A call comes through
on the customer
service line in
Heaven.
Customer Service
Rep: Yes, Ma'am, how
can I help you
today?
Customer: Well,
after much
consideration, I've
decided to install
LOVE.
Can you please guide
me through the
process?
CS Rep: Yes, of
course I can help
you. Are you ready
to proceed?
Customer: Well, I'm
not very technical,
but I think I'm
ready to install
now. What do I do
first?
CS Rep: The first
step is to open your
HEART. Have you
located your HEART
ma'am?
Customer: Yes, I
have, but there are
several other
programs running
right now. Is it
okay to install
while they are
running?
CS Rep: What
programs are running
ma'am?
Customer: Let's see,
I have PAST-HURT.EXE,
LOW-ESTEEM.EXE,
GRUDGE.EXE, and RESENTMENT.COM
running right now.
CS Rep: No problem.
LOVE will gradually
erase PAST-HURT.EXE
from your current
operating system. It
may remain in your
permanent memory,
but it will no
longer disrupt other
programs. LOVE will
eventually overwrite
LOW-ESTEEM.EXE with
a module of its own
called HIGH-
ESTEEM.EXE. However,
you have to
completely turn off
GRUDGE.EXE and
RESENTMENT.COM.
Those programs
prevent LOVE from
being properly
installed. Can you
turn those off
ma'am?
Customer: I don't
know how to turn
them off. Can you
tell me how?
CS Rep: My pleasure.
Go to your Start
menu and invoke
FORGIVENESS.EXE. Do
this as many times
as necessary until
GRUDGE.EXE and
RESENTMENT.COM have
been completely
erased.
Customer: Okay,
done. LOVE has
started installing
itself
automatically. Is
that normal?
CS Rep: Yes. You
should receive a
message that says it
will reinstall for
the life of your
HEART. Do you see
that message?
Customer: Yes I do.
Is it completely
installed?
CS Rep: Yes, but
remember that you
have only the base
program. You need to
begin connecting to
other Heart's in
order to get the
upgrades.
Customer: Oops. I
have an error
message already.
What should I do?
CS Rep: What does
the message say?
Customer: It says
"ERROR 412 - PROGRAM
NOT RUN ON INTERNAL
COMPONENTS." What
does that mean?
CS Rep: Don't worry
ma'am, that's a
common problem. It
means that the LOVE
program is set up to
run on external
HEARTS but has not
yet been run on your
HEART. It is one of
those complicated
programming things,
but in non-technical
terms it means you
have to "LOVE" your
own machine before
it can "LOVE"
others.
Customer: So what
should I do?
CS Rep: Can you pull
down the directory
called
"SELF-ACCEPTANCE"?
Customer: Yes, I
have it.
CS Rep: Excellent.
You're getting good
at this.
Customer: Thank you.
CS Rep: My
pleasure. Now click
on the following
files and then copy
them to the "MYHEART"
directory: FORGIVE-SELF.DOC,
REALIZE-WORTH.TEXT,
and ACKNOWLEDGE-LIMITATIONS.DOC.
The system will
overwrite any
conflicting files
and begin patching
any programming.
Also, you need to
delete SELF-CRITIC.EXE
from all
directories, and to
make sure it is
completely gone and
never comes back,
you will need to
empty your recycle
bin.
Customer: Got it.
Hey! My HEART is
suddenly filling up
with new files.
SMILE.MPG is playing
on my monitor right
now and it shows
that PEACE.EXE, and
CONTENTMENT.COM are
copying themselves
all over my HEART.
Is this normal?
C Rep: Sometimes.
For others it takes
a while, but
eventually
everything gets
downloaded at the
proper time. So,
LOVE is installed
and running. You
should be able to
handle it on your
own from here.
Just one more thing
before I go.
Customer: Yes?
CS Rep: LOVE is
freeware. Be sure to
give it and its
various modules to
everybody you meet.
They will in turn
share it with other
people and then they
will also return
some similarly cool
modules back to you.
Customer: I
definitely will.
Thanks so much for
your help.
By the way, what's
your name?
CS Rep: You can call
me the Divine
Cardiologist, also
known as The Great
Physician. Most
people feel all they
need is an annual
checkup to stay
heart-healthy, but
the manufacturer
suggests a schedule
of daily maintenance
for maximum
efficiency.
Downloaded from the
Divine
Cardiologist's
archives....
