Here is my experience from the Houston Oneness Intensive on Jan 21 and Jan 22nd……..
I apologize ahead of time for the length, but I experienced so much beauty and grace that I did not want to leave anything out.
I left for Houston on a Thursday morning at 11am. Unfortunately, being an ER nurse, I had to work the night prior to my departure, so I went straight from a crazy night in the ER to the airport for a powerful weekend. Needless to say, I did not want to go. I had my fears and doubts about the Oneness movement and about Sri AmmaBhagavan. My brother has been extremely involved in this movement for a number of years, and for the most part, I did not get it.
Starting in about 2006, I had been to several Oneness events, including the awakening course and diksha nights.
After the Oneness Awakening course, I initially felt at ease and that life was kum ba ya like and then about 1 month later, I felt more anxiety and uncertainty about myself and life in general. I felt trapped between two worlds. I did not fully fit into my previous life of going out drinking with my friends talking about relationships, the latest gossip, and work. That energy no longer felt “right” for me, yet I was not at a point that I felt Oneness with any and everything around me.
I felt as though my connection with the divine had been dissolved, and that I did not deserve love.
My mind was at full force against this Oneness movement.
How could anything that promises pure love and enlightenment cut off my connection to my friends and make life appear empty? I felt the connection with my brother dissolve before my eyes.
At that moment, I saw that he always appeared so distracted and never present in the moment.
He was always on the phone planning for another event (in the future) or always on the internet chatting with another oneness trainer about another event (in the future).
I felt as though he was starting to see this Oneness Movement and the people involved as more of a family than anything that my mother or I could provide for him. So not only is this Oneness movement taking away my friends, but my family is leaving too?? Hell no!! This is horrible and I have already committed to a weekend in Houston with a booked airline ticket and a hotel room and no sleep the night before my departure.
Great……here we go (and I am not happy about it)!!
So I arrive in Houston around 3pm and my brother had arranged for a blessing giver from the community that is hosting this event to pick myself and another Oneness Trainer up from the airport.
Great.
I have not slept in over 24 hrs and I am supposed to get on with two people that I have never met before in my life. (Sarcastically) Beautiful weekend, Stephanie Wise has arrived. Maureen picks me up and she has a cold bottle of water waiting for me, and a big hug. Wait…maybe this is not so bad. I sit and chat with her about yoga, diksha, and Maui as we wait for Michael to arrive. Michael arrives and we are off to the Unity Church to meet up with my big brother and at this point, my whole reason for being here. In the car, Michael and Maureen chat about several Indian gurus, meditation practices, and different religions. For the most part of their conversation, I was clueless. I do not know anything about different religions or meditation practices……I am so stupid! My mind keeps reiterating how unintelligent I am over and over and over again. We arrive to the church and I spot Patrick. I get a big hug and a hello and I am thrown to someone else to take me to the hotel. Patrick (my brother) simply does not have the time to help me get settled. Really? Yes. I get to the hotel, and I make a decision to keep an open mind. I have 2 hrs until the night even starts, so I decide to start fresh. While awaiting the other 3 people that I am sharing one hotel room with, I take a long, hot shower, dry my hair, and get ready for that night’s events. After I am fresh, I decide to lie down for a bit and just simply rest my eyes for about 30 minutes before Scott, Gail, and Lauren arrived. Ten minutes later, I hear outrageous laughing down the hall and a knock at my door. I scramble to answer the door and the second I open the door, Lauren jumps into my arms telling me how beautiful I look. Right…..I had been asleep 30 seconds ago and now I am beautiful? Please. She has so much energy it makes me nauseated. I turn around and Lauren and Scott are making out right there in front of Gail and me. Almost vomited….. I am in hell, I thought. I cannot handle Lauren’s energy or sexual acts in front of my eyes. How can I accept that these two people truly love each other, when I cannot find any love for myself? So this is how the weekend is going to go, love is going to be thrown in front of my face, when all I can do is tell myself horrible, mean, ugly “truths” about myself. What a transformational weekend!! We all leave the hotel for the Thursday night event with Doug Bently, Oneness monk. I hardly had any control of my eyes throughout that evening and Lauren and Scott had that same problem with their hands, in regards to each other. As irritated as I was at that moment, everything that Doug said resonated with my soul. It felt “right”. I felt as though there was so much truth behind what he said. Alina and Stuart Mooney then proceeded to talk about their experiences with the oneness movement and it felt right although I had no connection to what they were saying. By the end of the night, I had not eaten food in about 24 hrs and had not slept for over 38 hrs. Clearly, I was not in the right spot. How could I feel so much discomfort with Scott and Lauren, and the accommodations that we had arranged and still be in the spot where the Divine wants me to be. At that moment, I sent my brother a text message that said, “Going through some stuff and not feeling a sense that I am supposed to be here” with high hopes to get the response of “just stay in the hotel tomorrow and catch up on some sleep. Don’t worry about coming to the event.” Ha ha….far from what I got. By the time he responded, we were already back in the hotel and asleep, so I got his wise response in the morning of the event. It stated, “Yes that’s why you are here.” Damn…really?? Why does he always have to be so intuitive and wise? Okay….so no excuse from my brother to stay at the hotel and relax. Off to the 12 hr event with expectations of experiencing the cult-like oneness movement that my brother is leading. Ha ha….!! Looking back, my mind was playing such a brilliant role! It was being threatened and it was telling me everything that it could to deter me from experiencing the unconditional love that I was about to be offered. The event opens and I am less than thrilled to be involved, but I am here and I am going to be “open”. We start the weekend with a meditation (that I actually already knew). From that point forward the event kept opening and flowering my heart and easing my mind. The weekend was simply amazing and exceeded every one of my very, very high expectations. I was able to recognize the reason behind my brother’s somewhat obvious disconnect. He is helping humanity in a way that I never thought possible. His intentions are so pure and full of grace and I was able to recognize the fear, created in my mind that our relationship had dissolved. He was so present in so many ways that I did not know even existed. My relationship with my brother in reality was so much stronger than I could have imagined. His love is so present and palpable. The worries of being tangled in a cult like existence immediately evaporated. I felt love……
I am not going to indulge details of the weekend’s event, but I am going to share my physical and emotional experiences with you. All experiences are so different of the same situation, but these are mine. During a meditation practice, I felt joy and love and cried tears and danced an emotional dance. I felt love and peace. I felt fully engaged in the activities of day 2. I felt present without the distraction of my mind. I felt as though I could relate with everything being said in a way that was not just conceptual. It felt like it was my way of experiencing life. At one point, during a diksha, I felt and saw a vision, that my cranium was being cut away (not painful) and inside my skull, my mind was being placed in a sac- like object and all previous connections were being severed. At that same time, a few other connections were being made, so that my mind would be under the control of my soul and could be utilized when it was needed. It was no longer an ordinary mind, it was a divine mind. During the powerful new process, my body went into convulsions (and yes….I said that I would NEVER be one of those strange people flopping around on the ground because they are making that up….there is no way that the body has to experience that) and I could not move for a period of time (no idea how long). It was not scary or painful. At that time, I experienced everything around me. I wanted to move my leg so badly because my feet were cold, but when I tried to move, I felt as though my leg was the leg of many and it was just simply too heavy for me to move. When I woke up and started experiencing the people and situations around me, I realized that when I was attempting to move my leg, I was attempting to move the legs of the multiple people near me kneeling on the ground receiving the Oneness blessing. I could not separate my leg from theirs. It was amazing!! After a couple more hours of relaxing and enjoying the energy, the event ended. We were taken back to our hotel room, and sleep immediately engaged my body. My dreams were so vivid and real and full of grace and beauty.I was in India at a sacred ritual and I was dancing with Indians. We were laughing and crying and giving thanks to the divine. It felt so free. This dream lasted all night long and I woke up in the morning refreshed and renewed. I took a shower and then enjoyed a breakfast with Gail. My head felt so clear. It felt as though there was something missing…..a big huge piece missing. It felt right. I had clarity and peace. The constant chatter that had always been present, telling me to do this or that I was not beautiful was gone. Simpy gone. That morning, I was experiencing life as if I had never experienced a moment on this planet. I ate food, and for the first time in my life, I tasted food. Blueberries were so rich and magical; oatmeal was magnificently full of flavor. It was simply like nothing I had ever experienced before this event.
On the plane ride home, during takeoff, I heard a little girl screaming. She sounded so scared and uncertain. We gave her diksha (AmmaBhagavan and I). I was the vessel through which they shared grace and comfort to this little scared girl. She immediately stopped crying and remained silent in her mother’s arms for the remainder of the flight. I put my headphones on and starting listening to the Moola Mantra. Instantly, tears flowed down my face and my abdomen started quivering, similar to the experience I had after the new process. It was not an obvious thing so no one on the plane knew I was flopping around on the inside like a fish. It was spectacular. The plane ride was approx 2 hrs long and it flashed by in what seemed like 3 minutes. I experienced the plane as though we were all one. I was the ultimate observer. When I looked out the windows, I felt so much beauty and excitement to return to the earth due to its sheer magnitude. There is more, but I have to run for now…but hopefully overall you gathered what a pivotal weekend this was for me. I have so much love and gratitude for everyone involved in this movement and especially for AmmaBhagavan. The grace and joy they are bringing to this planet in a time of so much hurt, and pain is incredible and I want to do everything in my power to spread the grace. I want to be the vessel through which they work, no matter the time and/or place. This is real! Love you so much, Stephanie.
Experiences